He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
