I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
