im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
