can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
