soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
