I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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