Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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