I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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