Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just had sex on a roof
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
