i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
