buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's official drugs can't kill me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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