yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
