Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
