he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
