could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
