You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
