The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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