He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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