Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
