last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
