the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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