omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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