It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
