I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
