Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
