How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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