Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
