After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
