I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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