someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
