its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
