I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
