but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
