remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
