and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
