I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
