Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
jump out the window naked night went bad
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