i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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