I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
