don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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