Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
