I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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