Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
