I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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