I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
