I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
