Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
