Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
