Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
