I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
