Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
