I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ok first of all what the fuck
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
