Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
