you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
