Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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