yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
