For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
