Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
