p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
