got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
