She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
